Karl Rove and me

So, first a little about myself.  I travel for my job, usually every week.  I never see famous people, except for recently.  The US presidential election is in one week, and between living in a swing state, and traveling to many others, I have seen my fair share of political groups, entourages, planes, motorcades, etc, but no actual people.  Until Monday.

I was flying into Newark, NJ and had a two hour wait until my coworker (lets call him Jim) arrives on his flight.  When I landed, I fired up the old Blackberry to check my email.  I received my usual spam and two messages from Jim.  The first read “Dude, meet me at my gate.  Karl Rove is on my plane and you can yell at him as he exits”.  The second one read “and he uses an apple computer”.

So, I had a dilemma on my hands.  Do I believe Jim or not.  He is kind of a prankster, and this would be something that he would do.  On the other hand, if he were telling the truth, this would be a great opportunity.  I decided to do something, though what I wasn’t sure.

I had seen enough political demonstration videos to know what to do and not do.  I had also had seen several videos of Karl to know that he does not engage “common” people.  I wanted to attract attention, insult him, and yet not come off as a crazy person.  The research phase began.

I called my friend the Pearl, because she shares my hatred for this man.  the phone call began, “So, if you knew for sure, that you would run into Karl Rove, shat would you do?” She appeared shocked, and paused.  “Is this call being recorded?” “Not by me,” I said.  “Though I cannot guarantee that someone is not recording it.” After the shock wore off, she thought that I should take the high road.  Go Victorian on his ass.  Old school.  I liked that idea.  The next step was to figure out what to say.

I started looking for famous quotes and phrases to make my point, but nothing I could find under traitor, liar or treason were quite right.  I then realized that I had limited resources to make a sign or banner, so that the print needs to be concise and to the point.

Out comes the sharpie, and an old manilla folder I had in my backpack.  Always be prepared.  I decided to go with:

Karl Rove
Despicable Traitor

I traced it out with pencil first, to make sure it was balanced and legible.  I knew all that newspaper and graphic arts experience would pay off someday.  It turned out nice.

Now to play the waiting game.  I tucked the sign in the front of my bag, where I could get to it quickly, and headed off.  For those not familiar with Newark airport, there are three terminals, each having several pods with it’s own security and gates.  I waited just outside of security of the pod that Jim and Karl’s flight would be coming in on.  I sent an email to Jim asking for verification if Karl was really on his flight and if so, where he was sitting.  Shortly after they landed, I got my response.  First class, and he has an aide with him.  Ok, great.  I can deal with that.

Now my heart was beating hard, and my mind kept racing between look calm, don’t panic.  I kept thinking that the new TSA behavioral analysis program would actually work, and someone blue shirt goon would pull me into a small room somewhere, but that didn’t happen.  People started streaming out of tunnel, and then after what seemed like a long time, my target approached.  I was standing directly right of the tunnel, from their viewpoint.  Karl was first, and chatting on his iPhone.  The aide was directly behind.  He was some pimply faced college looking kid in a ugly dark green suit.  I reached into my bag and pulled out the sign.  I held it out and above my head, with the text facing them.  Karl did a quick double-take, and the aide picked up on this and looked at me.  His eyes got big, and his head turned back to looking straight.  I then stepped directly behind the aid and started following them.  I alternated the sign from front to back, so that everyone could see.  Gasps, silence, then murmurs followed.  Down the escalator we went, to the baggage carrousels.  All the while, the aide and Karl looking calm.  I have not said a word at this point, and am keeping a normal distance from both of them.  At the bottom of the escalators was a small group of drivers, with their own signs announcing who their fares for the evening were.  The aid steps up to a man with a sign starting with an M, and nodded.

What happened next was really strange.  Karl, the aide, and their driver didn’t move away.  i was now standing about six feet from Karl, when I hear him say to the person on the phone “I need to let you go,” and he hangs up.  He then turns to me, raises his phone, takes a step back, and takes a picture of me.  That took me by surprise.  He then looks at his phone, touches the screen, and calls someone else.  The trio then walk towards the baggage claim.  I follow, and realize that everyone around is staring at me.  One man steps up and tells me “to get a life, pal”, and I see another man smile and nod his head.  Once at baggage claim, I stand behind the group, and turn the sign to face the majority of the crowd.  Karl is still on his phone, and he wanders off to chat more privately.  I did not pursue, because I figured that my adventure was almost over.

Out of the blue, I feel a sharp tug on my backpack.  I turned around, expecting to see a cop, but it was Jim.  He starts laughing and says, “Come on, man.  What are you doing?” I break my silence with “Nothing, just having fun.” We then head off to the airtrain to the rental car area.

Below is a photo that my friend took with his cell phone of me with the sign at baggage claim.  behind and to my left is Karl, with his back to me.  And the sign.